Another Kind of Other
The first time I noticed it, I was in the second grade. Mrs. Rice had divided us into small groups for a project; I clearly recall having an inner rebellion against this forced communal activity. “Ugh!” I thought. “Why can’t I just do it by myself?”
Fast forward to my adult life, which has been notable for certain traits that echoed this solo spirit. I’ve never had a social “circle;” I dislike parties and most group activities; I chose independent, solo professions; and I have always felt like I was on the outside looking in, an observer, anywhere I am.
Living as I do in one of the most extroverted cultures in the world, these things always made me think that there was something a little wrong with me: that I was, perhaps, a misanthropic extrovert or … something.
As it turns out, the “something” has a name, thanks to New York City psychiatrist Dr. Rami Kaminski, who has proffered a new personality type that he calls the “Otrovert.”
Distinct from both extroverts and introverts, otroverts never feel like they quite belong (and they don’t necessarily want to). They are, however, not shy, nor are they recluses or social outcasts. According to Kaminski, otroverts are often warm, friendly, and well-liked people; they simply skew solo. They can be very charming and like to be invited to things, but they’re just not groupies.
Where the introvert is energized by quiet, alone time, and the extrovert by social interaction, the otrovert finds energy from their inner, observational world, whether sitting in a garden, or sipping a cocktail at a party.
Some key traits of an otrovert:
An intense dislike of group activities of any kind and a need for independence. (If they do come into a group setting, it is as a teacher or speaker, set apart from the group.)
They’re observers. Although they are not shy and can easily talk with people, otroverts frequently feel more like observers than participants.
They don’t conform. They’re often not interested in pop culture or the latest trends. They like what they like.
They’re independent thinkers. Otroverts tend to have strong opinions and convictions—and are not easily swayed by others.
They don’t have a social circle, but enjoy meaningful one-on-one friendships with a few individuals. They often have a deep connection with a life partner and are very loving with their children.
They prefer solo work. Otroverts would rather be self-employed or work independently than on a team.
As an otrovert myself, I must say that there is something both terrifically ironic and quite comforting in knowing that I actually belong to a distinct group—a group that requires nothing of me. But at the end of the day, it’s not about the labels: it’s about understanding, and understanding breeds kindness—both for self and others.
Heaven knows we all need and deserve a lot more of that.
*To explore this personality type in greater depth and to take the quiz, go to The Otherness Institute.
